just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
