I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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