It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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