Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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