I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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