I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
