he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
try to milk me bitch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize