My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
