so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
