Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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