it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
