well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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