I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
