I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
