I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We have started to decorate penises.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
