Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she looked like the before picture.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
