Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
