I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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