okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
