yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
love makes seman taste better
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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