lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
