Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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