As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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