I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
birth control should be required to get into college
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
