Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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