I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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