Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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