You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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