I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
