I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
