no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
