I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize