I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
