You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize