I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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