your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
