well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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