my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Too much gin, very little bucket
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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