oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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