You're earring is so big in my mouth
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
