dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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