I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize