I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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