Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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