Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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