you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
