I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
