theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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