remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
