I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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