Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
