Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
