UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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