I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
