god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
