using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This baby is an asshole
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
