i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
