I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
