How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
