Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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