Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
