So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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