found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
