Your face is a jimmy john
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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