She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
