What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
