my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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