U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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