i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
