k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
