when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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