She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
