I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
