question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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