thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
