my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
