next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
