Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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