Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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