I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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