if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
