This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize