I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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