Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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