Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
