i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
