I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
