just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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