My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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