How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
