dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
