you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
