I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize