I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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