My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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