I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
