I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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