as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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