My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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