im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
