You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
