now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
