Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
