My room smells like vodka and shame
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
