guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
40s are totally the cure
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
