I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize